XTREME QUIPS

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

[Via: Bits and Pieces]

1. Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about….

2. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it’ll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.

3. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

4. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

5. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.

(continue reading…)

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?”
Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?” (continue reading…)

A original Star Wars advert…

Here is something you don’t see everyday…

[Via: GAS]

The scene where Marlin meets Dory. Cute!

Another geeky music video…

[Via: GAS]

Enjoy watching this video…

[Via: PixelatedGeek]

Not exactly rock star material, but funny to watch nonetheless.

Play “Where’s Wall” (or “Where’s Waldo”) using Google Maps…