XTREME QUIPS

A cat on a turntable. What more can I say?

French prankster Remi Gaillard creates havoc with a real-life version of Pac-Man. Awesome!

One night a bartender notices this hideous guy at the far end of the bar with several hot women around him. He is amazed to see the guy kissing them and groping them to the delight of the women.

When the women went to powder their noses the bar tender approaches the man and says, “Please don’t get offended when I tell you this, but I couldn’t help but notice you have several beautiful women hanging all over you. Forgive my honesty, but you’re not exactly the most handsome person I’ve ever seen. In fact, you’re quite ugly!

Now normally, I would think these ladies are attracted to you because of your money, but I can tell by the way you are dressed and the fact that they are buying YOU drinks, it’s not the money. Tell me, sir, what is it about you that attracts all these babes?”

The man paused for a moment, licked his eyebrows and said, “I haven’t the faintest idea.”

During a passenger flight in Australia, four pythons escaped from the cargo area during the flight. Fortunately for the passengers, though unfortunately for all of us writing punchlines, this went unnoticed until after the plane had landed. A reptile expert searched for the snakes but never found them… the plane was eventually fumigated and sent back on its way.

Which leads one to wonder: what happened to those snakes? Are they going to show up in some poor tourist’s luggage? I’m suddenly having Arachnophobia flashbacks. As if flying weren’t bad enough.

Airlines: Didn’t Samuel L. Jackson teach us anything? Put the people and the snakes on separate flights.

Other things from movies I would not like to see on real planes:

• Decepticons
• Inflatable Pilots
• Serial Killers
• Spiders
• Tom Cruise

[Via: GAS]

And you thought jumping rope was easy. This is truly amazing!!!!!

I don’t know about you guys, but when I order pizza, it’s usually because I’m feeling lazy. I do make it myself from time to time, but washing the dishes after is kind of a drag and goes against the concept of eating pizza in front of the TV. That’s why this pizza box concept is so brilliant. Not only does it provide you with the plates and a storage box to put your leftovers away, but the whole thing is made out of recycled material. Isn’t that awesome?

Despite the MPAA working hard to keep trailers out of the public domain, more just keep popping up. This new Transforms 2 trailer look even better than the dast (even though its shaky-cam). Can’t wait for this movie to come out!

A condom commercial from Australia… (headphones recommended – NSFW)

Some Puerto Ricans rub a slice of lemon or lime in the armpit of their drinking arm before they start drinking to stop a hangover before it starts. Apparently, lemon prevents dehydration and therefore headaches because it helps retain fluid.

In Outer Mongolia, a pair of pickled sheeps eyes in tomato juice is thought to be the answer to a thumping head and cattle ropers in the Old West drank tea brewed from rabbit droppings.

In Romania they say the sure-fire way to cure a hangover is tripe. The cow’s stomach is boiled in greasy, salty root vegetable soup with garlic vinegar and cream. Some people think this might only be a good cure because they won’t drink in the first place when they know they have to eat this the next day.

The ancient Scottish cure for a whisky hangover is the Highland Fling. If you’re not feeling too sick, heat a pint of buttermilk and stir in a tablespoon of cornflower. Then season with salt and pepper.

In Ancient Rome, party-goers breakfasted on sheep lungs and two owl eggs and in ancient Greece the cure was deep-fried canaries.

A popular remedy not recommended for pregnant women or the elderly is the Prairie Oyster. It includes a whole raw egg and Worcestershire sauce, seasoned with salt and pepper. The aim is to swallow the concoction in one gulp without breaking the yolk.

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done you’ll have a
place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where can it be found?
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt .”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

(continue reading…)