XTREME QUIPS

1. “Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” – Charles Shackleford

To be fair… He can actually breathe underwater too.

2. “Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win.” – Doug Collins

… Almost? What happens the other times?

3. “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father” –Greg Norman

And all of his other parents he failed to mention.

4. “Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.” –Jerry Coleman

He’s sick? I hope he can still pitch today.

5. “The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.” –Bob Varsha

6. “You can sum up this sport [boxing] in two words: ‘You never know.’” -Lou Duva

Only two? Ok, can’t argue with that.

7. “When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys—there’s no better feeling than to have that done.” -Matt Stairs

Umm… what?

8. “The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.” –Randy Cross

Truer words were never spoken.

8. “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.” –Lou Deva… again.

….Ok Lou, ok.

10. “You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.” –Murry Mexted

11. “I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” –Tug Mcgraw

After being asked if he preferred grass or Astroturf, the Tugger responded with this gem.

12. “Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” –Yogi Berra

And just because Yogi gave us so many, a bonus: “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

13. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” –Jason Kidd

So, you’re going to turn it all the way around and continue in the direction it was originally going? On second thought, maybe you should stay in college Jason.

14. “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” –Torrin Polk

That’s the most important thing a college football coach can offer his team. Earings.

15. Reporter: “Did you visit the Parthenon while in Greece?”

Shaquille O’Neill: “I can’t really remember the names of all the clubs we went to.”

If you get bored lighting a cigarette the normal, why not give this a go?

And the award for stating the bleeding obvious goes to…

… like a thief likes breaking into cars…

You’ve seen the YouTube clips demonstrating the riotous effect of dropping Mentos into Diet Coke. Why not turn the fizzy fun into an epic party prank of your own? Here’s our recipe for a little cocktail we call the Manhattan Project. 1. Shop

1) Buy the ingredients at your corner store: 2 liters of Diet Coke (warm, diet only because it isn’t sticky), one pack Mentos candy (mint), and some rye whiskey (cheap)… Manhattans also call for a splash of sweet vermouth and 2 small dashes Angostura bitters

2.) Fill an ice tray so that each section is half full of water and stick it in the icebox. Once all of the half-ice cubes have frozen, fill them up to the top placing one candy into each cube. Freeze again.

3.) Combine four cubes and 8 oz. of Diet Coke. Top with 2 oz. of whiskey. The Vermouth and bitters are optional but necessary for an authentic taste. Of course, Manhattans don’t actually ever make use of cola or soda so authenticity has already been sacrificed to the prank. Garnish with a naive smile and serve. Wait five minutes.

When the ice melts enough to expose the Mentos, it’ll erupt like a fifth-grade science project.

They don’t make them as small as they used to…

Sometimes, not fixing neon signs can increase business…

Remember, you wish may not always turn out like you imagined… The last minute of this video is really funny.

Forget the camera, just send me the box.

This is a cute love story if I’ve ever seen one. No dialogue at all. In real life, these two would both be fired for misuse of office supplies.