XTREME QUIPS

Woman: “Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he’s a lawnmower.”

Doctor: “That’s terrible, why didn’t you bring him in sooner?”

Woman: “Because the neighbor just returned him this morning.”

*****

Patient: “I have this terrible problem, Doctor. I think I’m a dog. I walk around on all fours, I keep barking in the middle of the night, and I eat dog food.”

Psychiatrist: “Very interesting. Lie down on the couch, please.”

Patient: “I’m not allowed on the couch.”

*****

Patient: “Doctor, you’ve got to help me. Some mornings I wake up and think I’m

Donald Duck, other mornings I think I’m Mickey Mouse.”

Doctor: “Hmmm, and how long have you been having these Disney spells?”

*****

Doctor: “What’s wrong with your brother?”

Boy: “He thinks he’s a chicken.”

Doctor: “Really? How long has he thought this?”

Boy: “Three years.”

Doctor: “Three years!”

Boy: “We would have brought him in sooner, but we needed the eggs.”