XTREME QUIPS

Which looks better to you?

I’m gonna use this one next time…

<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s’mores and all… and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor’s house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire….
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing…

(continue reading…)

Now the secret is out…

10. Cassava (Yuca)

Though not too widely used in the United States, cassava is a woody shrub that is generally found in the Caribbean and South America. When using cassava, it can either be made to be sweet or bitter. The taste, as well as the smell, all depends on the amount of cyanogenic glucosides, which are in fact, extremely poisonous. Most who prepare it like it to be bitter, as it keeps away insects and even animals. If cassava is prepared incorrectly, it can be deadly. Cassava poisoning, due to high levels of cyanide, is known as Konzo. Cassava poisoning leads to irreversible paralysis. Photo by AdamCohn

Interesting fact: Cassava roots are ground into a flour-like substance which is then used to make tapioca. Cassava leaves contain cyanide but if pounded into a paste with flour and left in the shade for 5 hours, the cyanide is broken down.

9. Pufferfish

Pufferfish stand to be the second most poisonous vertebrate in the world. Though you won’t find pufferfish in the U.S., many in Korea as well as Japan find some parts of the fish to be delicacies. However, certain organs of the fish, such as the liver, as extremely toxic, and can be deadly. The poison in the fish, known as tetrodotoxin, can cause numbness, high blood pressure, and muscle paralysis, which is what leads to death as the diaphragm muscles become paralyzed, disabling breathing. Known as fugu when eaten as a meal, many in Asian countries refuse to not eat the fish.

Interesting fact: Pufferfish has been made illegal to be eaten by the Emperor of Japan.

8. Mushrooms

There are about 5000 types of mushrooms known in the U.S. and about 100 of them are said to be toxic, while less than a dozen are deadly. In any case, mushrooms can cause gastrointestinal discomfort.  Since mushrooms are fungi and the fact that there are so many species, it can be hard to know which are poisonous. As rule of thumb, it is usually said that any mushroom found in the wild are more than likely poisonous. One of the deadliest types of mushroom toxins is Alpha-amanitin, which causes extreme liver damage. Toadstools, as they are called, are the poisonous mushrooms.

Interesting fact: There are 38,000 known kinds of mushrooms; about 5% of these are toxic.

7. Cashews

Though really seeds and not nuts, cashews grow inside of a shell-like structure that grows on a fruit. When buying “raw cashews” in the store, take note that these nuts have actually been steamed and are not entirely raw. This is because raw cashews contain urushiol, which is the same chemical that you’d find in poison ivy. It can cause the body to have a very similar reaction to one experienced from poison oak or ivy. If a high level of urushiol is ingested, it can be deadly. Cashew poisoning is rare, but those who handle them in order to manufacture them to get the shell off sometimes experience the side-effects.

Interesting fact: Cashews come from a fruit, which in South American countries, is eaten, and the seeds (cashews) are then thrown away.

6. Chilies

You’ve probably eaten a chili or two in your life. No matter if it was an extremely hot one, or one that was pretty mild, every chili you have ever consumed has contained a chemical called capsaicin. In chilies, capsaicin is what makes them spicy and “hot.” Of course one chili won’t hurt, but if you eat enough of them, capsaicin can kill you. The chemical is so strong that it is used as a paint stripper, and it is even used in pepper spray used by police forces. In hotter chilies, such as habaneros, capsaicin can be felt on the skin if you cut the chili, as it will produce a burning sensation.

Interesting fact: Chilies are extremely high in Vitamin C. One green chili pod is said to contain about 6 times as much Vitamin C.

(continue reading…)

(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is “an apple a day.”

(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

(4) “The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,” is not a typographical error.

(3) The only expense covered 100% is “embalming.”

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M’s on them.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN

(1) You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape

If only it was possible…

A new nursery rhyme…

Transformers made out of various boxes, including a box of Marlboro Cigarettes.