XTREME QUIPS

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

What do you do when 20 zombies surround your house?
Wish them happy Halloween and give them candy.

Why didn’t the zombie proceed with his lawsuit?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on!

Why won’t a zombie eat a clown?
Because they taste funny.

There once was a ravenous zombie
who started chomping on me
He caused me some pains
as he chewed on my brains
and got blood on my Abercrombie

Professor Matthew Weathers went the extra mile for his math lecture Wednesday at Biola University. Who says math isn’t fun?

1. So…What’d you get in the sack?

2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it!

4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks!

5. I got the best piece from that house.

6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!!

7. Stick your hand in and guess what you’re feeling….

8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

9. They’ll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you.

10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn’t get my mouth around it!

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

My doctor just told me the primary difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu.

With Bird Flu you need a tweetment, and with Swine Flu you need an oinkment.