XTREME QUIPS

I wouldn’t have posted this if it didn’t turn out OK. So go ahead and watch.

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me.

You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XXX

P.S. Your girlfriend called.

A car hits a camel in India. The car is totaled but the camel walks away fairly unharmed.

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them, “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!”

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, “You think maybe we should have just said ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

This was taken in 2005. Maybe they’ve upgraded to traffic lights by now.

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, “If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?”

She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car.

The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. “Go get help,” he pleads.

She replies, “I can’t! I’m naked.”

He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says, “Cover your snatch with that and go get help.” She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.

When she arrives, she is frantic and yells to the attendant, “HELP! HELP! My boyfriend’s stuck!”

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies, “I’m sorry, Miss. He’s just too far in.”

I feel sorry for the boss but it was his own doing…

You’ve seen motorcycle crashes and old people falling down, now see some parachute accidents…

Bus crashes into a store and says sorry!

A collection of crashes. Warning, music NSFW.