XTREME QUIPS

Need we say more?

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Get informed, get a mammogram, do your self-exam, and donate. This is my kind of campaign!

If ever a picture spoke for itself, this is it.

Ever wonder why men have always been fascinated with breasts? Maybe this can help…

A young lady with a touch of hay fever took two handkerchiefs with her to the dinner party, one in her purse and the spare she kept in her bosom.

After dinner she began rummaging in her bosom for the fresh handkerchief, but it stubbornly refused to be found.

To left and to right she searched: until she realised suddenly that conversation around her had ceased and everyone was watching her in fascination. Flustered, she murmured,

“I know I had two when I came.”

I agree…

A guy walks over to a gorgeous chick sitting at a barstool and says, “I want to play with your ta-tas all night.”

Shocked, the woman says, “Oh my god, do you see that huge guy over there? He’s my boyfriend and he’ll kick your ass!”

The man replies, “I still want to play with your ta-tas all night, and fill your scamper with beer and drink it.”

Disgusted, the woman walks over to her boyfriend and tells him what’s going on. “That man over there says he wants to play with my ta-tas all night.”

The boyfriend stands up pissed off and rolls up his sleeves.

She then says, “He also said he wants to fill my scamper up with beer and drink out of it.”

The boyfriend rolls down his sleeves, sits down and continues drinking.

“What are you doing, aren’t you going to kick his ass?”

The boyfriend smugly replies, “I ain’t gonna mess with a guy that can drink that much beer.”

There was a woman who was uncomfortable with her breast size, so she went to the doctor, and asked for a breast reduction procedure.

“All right,” said the doctor, “there is an outpatient procedure that I can do which will immediately reduce your breast size by 20%. Would you like to try that?”

The woman agrees, and changes into a hospital gown.

“Please lower the gown,” the doctor says, and the woman complies. The doctor’s eyes grow large.

“The first step is to numb the breasts,” says the doctor.

He thrusts his face between her breasts saying “num num num num…”

A guy goes over to his friend’s house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. “Hi, is Boris home?” asked Ned.

“No, he went to the store.” replied the wife.

“Well, you mind if I wait?” asked Ned.

“No, come in.” responded the wife.

They sit down and the friend says, “You know Sue, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I’d give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.” Sue thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell – a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Ned says, “They are so beautiful. I’ve got to see the both of them. I’ll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see the both of them together.” Sue thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Ned a nice long look. Ned thanks her, throws another hundred bucks on the table, and then says he can’t wait any longer and leaves.

A while later Boris arrives home and his wife says, “You know, your weird friend Ned came over.”

Boris thinks about this for a second and says, “Well did he drop off the $200 he owes me?”

The kid’s expresion says it all…