XTREME QUIPS

Check out the comments on this screenshot taken from facebook. Social Networking does wonders… It’s funny how no one mentions the obvious…

A simple operation could become the best decision a man can made…

If only women paid for this…

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?”
Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?” (continue reading…)

The ladies at this hair salon have some fun watching a topless guy wash the window. Make sure you watch until the end.

Here are some points to consider. But from what I can see, the answer is clear.

THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING A WOMAN

1. They got off the Titanic first.

2. They can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. They can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

4. They can cry and get off speeding fines.

5. They have never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

6. Taxis stop for them.

7. They don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

8. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).

9. New lipstick gives them a whole new lease on life.

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Last year a friend of mine upgraded from GirlFriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. He is now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. He’s finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features he’d like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.

1. a “Don’t remind me again” button

2. a Minimize button

3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources

4. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system’s hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

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Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.  If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them  for a day, teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for  weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky …  Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

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