XTREME QUIPS

A guy was taking a course in human sexuality, and on a particular day, they were studying the Kinsey Report. As the professor was citing different statistics, he commented that one particular woman in the study had been said to have had several hundred orgasms in a single session.

There were several audible gasps in the lecture hall.

A male voice piped up and asked, “Wow… who was she?”

A female voice followed with, “Never mind that, who was HE?”

Obviously, no serious schools would use something like this as their answering machine message, but when taken with a pinch of salt, you have to admit that the whole thing is pretty darn hilarious.

The shocking truth!

Students at Lewes New School perform David Bowie’s song. Awesome!

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. ‘Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?’

When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

‘God Almighty!’ shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, ‘Very good’ and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, ‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’

But Mary didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt with the pencil.

‘Jesus Christ!!!’ shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, ‘Very good,’ and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question…’What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, ‘If you stick that thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!’

The nun fainted.

Children these days…

I should have done this is school…

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything…tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers.

In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello.  Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on For some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an ’A’ in math.

She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, ‘Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?’ Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. ‘Well, then,’ she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?’

Little Zachary looked at her and said, ‘Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around..’

1. Constantly gets Indonesia and Outdonesia confused.

2. As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot.

3. Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba.

4. Thinks that Mussolini was Hitler’s favorite pasta.

5. Counts Puerto Rico, Mexico and Canada as “technically” U.S. States.

6. Tells you that its Napoleon that’s the ice cream that comes in 3 flavors in one box.

7. Insists that the Great Depression could have been stopped with the right amount of Lithium.

8. Threatens to renact Salem Witch Trials/Burnings if homework is not turned in on time.

9. Claims that it was Martin and Lewis that were the great explorers of the West.

10. Credits David Hasselhoff and not Democracy for the fall of the Berlin Wall.

I wouldn’t…