XTREME QUIPS

Think diamonds are forever? Well, sorry to disappoint you folks, but they’re not.

Terms

Relativity: Family get-togethers at Christmas.

Gravity: Strength of a glass of beer.

Time travel: Throwing the alarm clock at the wall.

Black holes: What you get in black socks.

Critical mass: A gaggle of film reviewers.

Hyperspace: Where you park at the superstore.

Facts

Gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees. You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbitting.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.

The moon is more useful than the sun, because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the sun shines during the day when you don’t need it.

To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

Isn’t it meaningless to speak of a 45 degrees angle unless you specify Fahrenheit or Celcius?

An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Doppler effect is the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.

• the water in your kettle is boiling at 373 Kelvin.
• you know that the speed of light is 299,792.5 km/sec.
• you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
• you’ve already calculated how much you earn per second.
• you are sure that differential equations are a very useful tool.
• you are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
• you know the size of the elctron, but don’t know your own shirt size.
• when you break a vase you blame the second law of thermodynamics.
• you try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.
• you avoid stirring your coffee because you don’t want to increase the entropy of the universe.
• your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
• you’re at a wine tasting event and find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the Chardonnay.
• you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of an experiment that actually takes five minutes to run.

This video about the Big Bang was made because the theory is important and amazing, but often misunderstood. This video was produced without any funding from any outside sources. It was put together with donated creative time from a group with a desire to further public cognition of science.

Have you ever seen someone dump his hands in a tub of liquid nitrogen and quickly pull it off without having it frozen in the process? Yes, this is possible, thanks to what is called “the Leidenfrost Effect.”

1. Newton’s Method:
Let, the lion catch you…
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction…
Implies you have caught the lion (Assuming that you’re alive)…

2. Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion…
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also
run faster and will get tired soon…
Now you can trap it easily…

3. Schrodinger Method:
At any given moment, there is a positive probability
that the lion should be in the cage…
So set the trap, sit down and wait…

4. Inverse Transformation Method:
We place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it…
Perform an inverse transformation with respect to lion…
Lion’s in and we are out!

5. Thermodynamic Procedure:
We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows
every thing to pass in it except the lions…
Then sweep the entire forest with it…

6. Integration Differention Method:
Integrate the forest over the entire the area…
The lion is some where in the result…
So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t. the lion
to trace out the lion…

7. The Sardar’s Method:
Don’t try. You’ll get caught by the lion…

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding?! Why would we let them do that?! The broken bulb is a national treasure, pointing to our rich, rich history and culture. No, we would rather build a shrine there, and charge admission to see the ‘ancient luminosity device’…hmmm, maybe we could even sell little figurines…

How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they wouldn’t change it because it ruins their night vision.

How many fractal mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but, good grief! I let him into the house to start working on the bulb, and by the time I got back later that day, the single 110V bulb had changed into a 6 level chandelier, with each level a smaller replica of the previous level…my energy bills are going to kill me!

How many Quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Depends on the room size–you need to fill the room first with blind-folded scientists. Then, upon a signal, they all remove the blindfolds and look toward the general area of the ‘old’ bulb. Then, when the waveform collapses, whoever is CLOSEST to the newly ‘congealed’ bulb, grabs it, and WITHOUT blinking, makes the change. Also, this procedure MAY required one additional physicist to remove a dead cat from the room

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but only if the light bulb really wants to change.

How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes ten years.

This video is about the science behind what a great beer should taste like.

If you don’t know how to do experiments safely, don’t do them at all… Warning: This video contains strong language.

How Science and the media work in the real world…