XTREME QUIPS

Everyone gets shit from their boss!

Before watching this video, please remember that this recession is a global one; be thankful you don’t have to deal with this Brazilian man’s workload on a daily basis. Warning: slightly NSFW.

It really understands you!

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He says “Yes, just caffeine.”

“Have you ever been in the service?” the interviewer asks.

“Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for two years.”

The interviewer says “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment here.”,
and then asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”

The guy says, “Yes… an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles clean off.”

The interviewer tells the guy “O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am, and plan on starting at 10am every day. Don’t worry,we’ll still pay you from 8am.”

The guy is puzzled and says, “If the hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don’tyou want me to be here before 10am?”

“‘This is a government job,” the interviewer says, “For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”

[Via: Phil’s Phun]

Some people have the best jobs… Sure, it doesn’t pay well but at least the view is good…

If you are unemployed, this could be the job for you!

1 When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.

2 When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

3 When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.

4 When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.

5 When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.

6 When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.

7 When you please your boss, you’re arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he’s being co-operative.

8 When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.

9 When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.

10 When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.

I don’t know how anyone could do this job…it’s disgusting! You have been warned!

Blowing up the death star put hundreds of people out of the job…

A great name for a septic pump business don’t you think?